10 of the Best Short, Funny and Hilarious Irish Jokes To Be Sure:
1. Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription “Here lies a politician and an honest man.”
‘Faith now,’ exclaims Reilly, ‘I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.
2. ‘O’Toole and his wife are in bed one night and they hear the neighbour’s dog is barking its head off in the garden. Somewhat disturbed by the noise, O’Toole explodes, ‘Botheration and that!’ and storms off downstairs.
He comes back upstairs five minutes later and his wife asks, ‘What did you do, O’Toole?’
O’Toole replies with a wide grin, ‘I’ve put the dog in our garden so I did, now let’s see how they like it.’ Best Irish Jokes
3. Donncha is shocked at finding out all his cows are suffering from “Bluetongue.” ‘Bejabbers,’ Donncha murmurs, ‘I didn’t even know they had mobile phones.’
4. Gallagher is in Boston and he is waiting patiently, also, he is watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stops the flow of traffic and shouts, ‘Okay pedestrians’. Then he allows the traffic to pass. He did this several times, and Gallagher is still standing on the sidewalk.
After the cop has shouted ‘Pedestrians’ for the tenth time, Gallagher approaches him and says, ‘Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?’
5. ‘Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?’ asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
‘Do we now?’ came New York Mayor Al Smith’s reply.
6. Finnegan sells Michael a donkey, some weeks later they met in a pub in Killarney and Michael says, ‘Hey, Finnegan, that donkey you sold me went and died.’
Finnegan just sips his Guinness slowly and retorts, ‘Bejabbers, Michael, it never done that on me.’
7. Murphy lost a hundred dollars on the Melbourne Cup, a famous Australian horserace. He also lost another hundred on the television replay.
8. Kieran O’Connor always slept with his gun under his pillow. Hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe.
‘Thank the Lord I wasn’t sleeping at the other end of the bed,’ Kieran said to his friends in Donegal’s pub. ‘I would have blown my head off.’
9. O’Gara was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.
After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’
‘That’s grand,’ shouted O’Gara, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’
10. ‘Ah, that was a lovely dress,’ announced Colleen, ‘and it would have fitted me if I could have got into it, so it would.’
1 oz Irish whiskey
1 oz Irish Mist® herbal liqueur
1 oz light whipped cream
Pour liquor into a mixing glass with ice and stir to chill. Strain into a goblet, top with cream, and serve.
Everybody’s Irish Cocktail recipe
2 oz Irish whiskey
1 tsp green creme de menthe
1 tsp Green Chartreuse®
1 green olive
Stir all ingredients (except green olive) with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Add the green olive and serve.
Ballylickey Bait
2 oz Irish whiskey
honey
soda water
In an old-fashioned glass, muddle the honey and a little water until it dissolves. Add ice cubes and whiskey and fill with sparkling water. Stir gently and garnish with a lemon peel.
Shake Irish whiskey, anis, triple sec, and maraschino with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Add the twist of orange peel, top with the olive, and serve.
Paddys Girl
4 oz Jameson® Irish whiskey
4 oz Carolans® Irish cream
4 oz Godiva® chocolate liqueur
4 oz chilled espresso
Pour ingredients into a blender filled with crushed ice. Blend until smooth and creamy, and pour into a margarita glass, Sprinkle chocolate shavings on top, and serve.
A long time ago, way back in history,
when all there was to drink was nothin but cups of tea.
Along came a man by the name of Charlie Mops,
and he invented a wonderful drink and he made it out of hops.
He must have been an admiral a sultan or a king,
and to his praises we shall always sing.
Look what he has done for us he’s filled us up with cheer!
Lord bless Charlie Mops, the man who invented beer beer beer
tiddly beer beer beer.
The Curtis bar, the James’ Pub, the Hole in the Wall as well
one thing you can be sure of, its Charlie’s beer they sell
so all ye lads a lasses at eleven O’clock ye stop
for five short seconds, remember Charlie Mops 1 2 3 4 5
He must have been an admiral a sultan or a king,
and to his praises we shall always sing.
Look what he has done for us he’s filled us up with cheer!
Lord bless Charlie Mops, the man who invented beer beer beer
tiddly beer beer beer.
A barrel of malt, a bushel of hops, you stir it around with a stick,
the kind of lubrication to make your engine tick.
40 pints of wallop a day will keep away the quacks.
Its only eight pence hapenny and one and six in tax, 1 2 3 4 5
He must have been an admiral a sultan or a king,
and to his praises we shall always sing.
Look what he has done for us he’s filled us up with cheer!
Lord bless Charlie Mops, the man who invented beer beer beer
tiddly beer beer beer.
